Saturday, February 22, 2014


For the last eight months I have been trying to wrap my brain why I am out of work. Trying to figure out what lessons that I need to learn during this time. At first I thought it was because I never spent time for me, I was always working and doing for others but not for me. Then I thought it was to teach me that I need to slow down, I move too fast sometimes for the world and myself. But I think it is much more than that.

I think I am going through the lesson now, I think Gods intent was to break me down to the littlest pieces so He can build me back up.

I have learned some truths about myself lately (and I can barely type them without crying)....

I thought to high of myself, that I was to good for others, that I was superior than others, that I was smarter than others and that my shit didn't stink.

I learned that I am selfish, I am a giving person but I expect so much back from others.

Learned that I think of myself before others, and that sometimes I am not the greatest friend.

Learned I am hard to love, that has prevented me from allowing people to get close to me.

Somewhere in my life I became to materialistic, I would rather spend my last penny on me than to give it to someone who needed it or even to save it.

Eight years ago I went through the darkest period of my life, I was divorcing the man that I would spend my life with. I became bitter, depressed and was very harden from the experience. And I hurt many people along the way. (hurt people...hurt people).

I don't know if anyone really reads this, but I am sorry to those I have hurt along the way. I am hoping God is building me back into the person that I lost over eight years ago. He is trying to grow me into a better friend, a better Christ Follower, a better mom....and a better human being.

I don't want to be this sad bitter person anymore. I don't want to be the person everyone leaves alone at parties or church functions.

I know God is working hard in me...He wants me out of this season...He wants me healthy in order to His work on earth.

He is planting seeds in me and is trying to water them.....and when the season is over...He will grow beautiful flowers.....


Saturday, February 8, 2014

Lessons from hanging out at public libaries

So while Tyler is at school or skating, I have been hanging out at the public library....let me tell you there are so many life lessons from just people watching there, here are a few of the lessons and the people who have taught me them

-Porn watching guy: We all have things in our life we would like to hid and that we all have some kind of addiction.

-Ankle bracelet tracking device wearing guy: We have all done things we are not proud of and we all have something that reminds us of our mistakes.

-Kissing older man: That we all want to be loved and we all deserve it.

-Key in the ear scratching man: Mommy always taught us not to put things in our ears. And we should have listened more carefully before we moved away and became adults.

-Alcohol smuggling homeless man: We all try to get away with something, but that does not get us to a closer relationship with God and others.

-Sweet older lady teaching someone English: Reaching out helping others is amazing, being of service to others is a gift that many of us need.

- Guy checking out the ladies: Remember that women are not objects of our desires but they are to be loved and respected.

It has been great people watching, and a lot of thanking God for the blessings He has given to me and my family.

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San Diego, CA, United States