Replacing the negative with the truth

Replacing the negative with truth, it's like rewinding your life tape and recording over it.
Things I do know....I am loved by God despite of myself. He does not judge me for my mistakes. He holds my hand and says to me 'yep it's pretty bad but you know what, I love you and I am here to help you through it'. I know that I am worthy of the love of a man and not all of them will hurt. I know that I am a great mom. I know that I am better then the negative thoughts I have of myself. I know that I am good at anything I put my mind to......

I know that I am loved

What is going on with me?

My body/mind is doing strange things, I don't know where I belong anymore (at work, at home, and anywhere else I might be).

I hate it, I love being around people, I love being with my kids and I love being with my family but lately....I rather just hide in my room. I don't know why...maybe its safer in here....no one will make me feel bad in here, no one will make me feel stupid, no one will leave me out.

My body is slowly changing, I am tired all the time, my body hurts and aches. I have hot flashes that last all day....

Jesus....help me!! I hate this place I am in.....

Why's

Been having some why's running around in my head and I need to let them out before they give me yet another headache or I let them run wild and I have more why thoughts....so be free why thoughts...

Why is my hair curly? My mom and dad both had curly hair and my brother has it but why me too? I hate my hair

Why does it seem like every man I have and a relationship with cheated on me. High school boyfriend did, boyfriend out of high school did, the ex. husband did, first relationship post divorce did...no wonder I have a shield up....do I have something on my forehead that says hey cheat on me I can take it.

Why do I still see myself weighing a 100 pounds? I still think I can eat like I weigh a 100 pounds.

Why do I feel like my destiny in life will be like my father, alone, depresses and no friends. I pray about this a lot. It's a scary thought to be like that.

Why can I not to be able to save money? I don't have a nest egg don't have the credit I would like. I am 44 years old and I should have this part of my life figured out.

Why do my friends not fix me up with anyone? Am I that picky? Or do the not want to because I am not good enough for the single guys they know.

Why do I hate cleaning my house? It's clean but it could be cleaner.

Why do some friendships stick and the others don't? I have some great friends but I miss the ones that I have lost.

Why is it that I think of others first and they don't think of me?

Why do others hear the voice of God and I don't?

It feels good to get these out, maybe this way I can work on them....well I can't change the curly hair.

For Laurie

Ok my dear sister Laurie.....this for you!

Things that I have done right today:

Loved my boys unconditionally
Worked as hard as I could to the best of my abilities
Make a yummy healthy dinner for my family
Wore clothes that matched :)

Ok....there will be more added to this as the days go on

List for today....
Spent time with the oldest
Finished one project at work
Set up my voicemail on my new phone
Went to bible study
Laughed for the first time in days

Adventures in on line dating part 6.....and final

So the match subscription has been canceled....am I sad...nah....disappointed hell yes! Sorry men that didn't respond...you are missing out on a pretty amazing women! I am leaving this need for someone in God's hands, I have to trust that He knows what he is doing with me.

So ends my non adventures in on line dating!


Oh....ps....the one person that I have been talking with from the on line site and I are still talking but yet to meet....

Adventures in on line dating part 5

So I have been doing this on line dating for two months now and I am throwing in the towel. I have done what everyone has told me to do, read all the advice and the only thing to come out of this was my self esteem was killed and I am out a $100. I think that there is something wrong with me, that my standards are too high, that I am not attractive enough.

I know that is not the truth, I am who someone is looking for. I am attractive enough for them.

I don't like the idea of chasing after a man, call me old fashion but I truly believe that if a man is interested nothing is going to stop them in getting to know you. Think that is the main reason I don't like on line dating, I don't like the idea of having to 'sell' myself.

Think in the end I need to love myself more then subjecting myself to the rejection of others.

Adventures in online dating part 4

So starts another week of this on line dating.....I have met a great guy on line but there just seems to be something (might just be me reading into things). We have a lot common and seems to have to have hit it off but we have yet to meet (that could be left over crud from Knuckle Head).

I do have to say that I have a mad crush on someone else, but I don't think the man knows I am alive...so I just lust at a distance.

I don't want to do this on line dating any more....still think there is other ways I can spend the money.

So starts another week of looking, searching for Mr. Perfect (well perfect for me)