Hope

Yesterday,  I listened to two different messages at two different churches, and they both had a very similar theme to them.....Hope.

In the NIV version of the Bible the word Hope is mentioned a 159 times (it must mean something to God if it is in there that many times), the definition of hope is to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true,  to cherish a desire with anticipation, to expect with confidence.

Hope is a powerful thing! Hope allows us to see past our present situation, Hope changes us, Hope gives us joy, Hope gives us courage and Hope frees us!

It is such a tiny word, only four letters long and when you say it does not sound harsh.

I believe in Hope, I believe that Hope is going to bring me an amazing 2014 and beyond. I believe that Hope will get me through any situation.

Brooke Fraser's CS Lewis song sums up Hope very well for me:

"For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming"

Believe in Hope....its coming for me and for you!!

Christmas..blahs...again

I wrote a blog about Christmas back in 2011 and I found it strange that I am still feeling the say way about Christmas.

I have not have that magically Christmas spirit in 2 years! I am starting not to be a big fan of this holiday. I started thinking about why I don't like this holiday anymore.

Money has been tight for the past two years and this year is even worse. Not working for six months has depleted my savings account, unemployment has to last me two weeks and I have to pay bills out of this upcoming weeks payment. I hate the idea of going broke for one day. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus and I love being with family but I can do those two things at any time.

The other reason why this holiday gets me down is that the boys are getting older and they do not like to do the same traditions we did when they were younger. The excitement of Santa coming is not there any more. They usually know what they are getting which ruins the magic.

I usually have these grand ideas for them for Christmas but they are usually just an idea because I can't afford it.

And I think the crux of all of this is I set such high expectations for everything....Christmas expectations that they will want to make cookies for Santa, they will want to go look at Christmas lights, they will want to go to Church and they will wake up and sneak into the living room to see what is under the tree and check the stockings.

I wish I can believe in the Magic of Christmas again and I need to stop with the grand expectations.

ps...we did get a tree....it only has lights on it

Confessions of a Fat Lady...part 10

Didn't go to my usual meeting this week but did weigh myself at home and I stayed this same which I wonder if I really lost because my scale at home is not always right.

This week I have been thinking about what I put in my mouth, when I put it in my mouth and why.

Breakfast usually consists of toast and hot chocolate. Sometimes a muffin or cereal. And then sometimes I eat nothing. Lunch is a sandwich or a quesadilla and once in a while cottage cheese and fruit. Dinner is always a protein, side dish and veggies. And then there is my daily intake of snacks.


I will eat all day long if I could, I love to snack. This could be good and bad, I am always full but is what I am eating good for me? If you are a snacker you should be snacking on fruits, veggies and proteins. I snack on crackers, popcorn, dry cereal and cookies...see no good!

The why is the comfort, food does not judge me, food does not tell me I am doing things wrong. Certain foods just make me feel good....mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and homemade desserts.

I plan our dinners but don't plan the other meals....might have to plan my breakfast and lunch....

Hoping for a good week...but then again...its going to be Christmas and we eat all day long!!!

Confessions of a Fat Lady...part 9

So this week I am down .4, not a lot but it is something. It was a stressful week and I am surprised I lost anything. This past week was full of stress and peace, it was strange! I was stressing about my financial mess and was in peace for being in my house alone for a couple of days (this does not happen often so I love it when it happens).

I was thinking of canceling my Weight Watchers membership because it is an expense I don't want to take one at the moment. But then I had to step back and think I am worth it, I am worth the money it costs for it. It is my time despite not having a lot of money at the moment.

One of the things we talked about today was Hedonic Hunger....eating for pleasure not for fuel or for energy. We all know I LOVE TO EAT GOOD FOOD!! So I am for sure eating for pleasure not for fuel for my body. I have to find away that I can eat for fuel that satisfies my wanting to eat for pleasure. Need to eat slower, need to eat for my health and find away to make it all yummy!

So here is to another week of taking care of ME, taking care of this body God has given me. I know if I am not healthy I cannot do the will of God.

Gotta keep moving...one step at a time.

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 8

Thought I was doing pretty good this past week and then I go weigh in and I only lost .2 pounds. I have been watching what I am eating (even at Thanksgiving), my walking partner has been making sure I walk each night and I have been painting the inside of the house. I believe this week lack of weigh loss is from stress.

I need to keep moving, keep thinking of what is to come.

Short post this week...hopefully next week I will feel less stressed.

Thanksgiving blahs or Food Coma has taken over my brain

Thanksgiving is time with family and friends and giving thanks for all of the blessing in your life. I spent Thanksgiving painting my hallway and a quick dinner down by the water. I have so many things to be thankful for but this Thanksgiving I am feeling a little less blessed and a tad bit sad.

This was the first Thanksgiving that my oldest is away at college, was sadden there was no call saying "Happy Thanksgiving Mom, I hope you have a good day and I miss you". There was no "Hey Mom I am so grateful for you and what you do for me" from my youngest.

I am thinking my boys do not like me, my oldest was happy to get away from me and my youngest is counting the days down until he can get away from me.

I have raised the two of them basically on my own for eight years, their dad has been around but I have taken care of their day to day needs and have given so much to them that I have neglected me.

Maybe that is where I went wrong, I gave too much.

I have so many single mom friends and I am so envious of their relationships with their children. Their children make them breakfast in bed on their birthday. They get their Mom flowers and a card on Mother's Day. They get phone calls from their children on holidays. They like to take pictures with their Moms. They say Thank You to their Mom for all that she is done for them.

Where did I go wrong?  I did what I thought was best for them, I made decisions for them that I thought would be good for them. I thought I taught them to be kind to others, to be respectful for those who care for them.

Think the food has gone to my brain and filled my head with lies....but why am I so sad?

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 7

Well....here I am again..I gained one pound this week! What is my problem? Why do I continue to do this to myself? Is there a reason why I insist on eating poorly? This is something that I cannot figure out! I will have a great day of watching what I am eating, walking or going to the gym, and giving myself a small treat for doing well...then the next day I am eating whatever I want, not going to the gym and giving my self a large treat for being a fatty!

At today's meeting we talked about making a why list instead of a to do list....why do I want to lose weight? 
              -To feel better
              -To have clothes that fit well
              -To feel attractive, to be desired
              -Not to feel like a blob
              -To reverse the damage I have done to the body God has given me

I journal during meetings and I wrote this down "you have to want it....do I really want it?" Of course I want to feel attractive and desired, of course I want to feel better and have better health. But what in the hell is stopping me? I am stopping me!! I am stopping me because its comfortable to eat what I want. It is safe not to feel attractive and desired...that way I can't get hurt by another man again.

There is only a few things in life we can control....and one of them is what we put into our mouths and the other is bodily functions. I know God is in control of everything else but I control what I decide to put into my mouth. I have to gain control of this food addiction I have.

Tomorrow is a new day...a new day to try again...a new day to start over....

Wish me luck!