Cookies!!!

I have been on a cookie baking mission the past six months or so, I love baking and I love giving them to people.

The college kid has been asking for them so I decided this past weekend to whip up some of my favorites.......Snickerdoodles and Chocolate Chip.

Let's start with Snickerdoodles, I found this recipe on my favorite website...Pintrest (www.mylitter.com). Tyler asked me to make cookies for work during the holidays and I ended up making a large batch to give to family for Christmas.

Here is what you will need

1/2 cup butter (1 stick) softened (and for the love of baking use REAL butter!!)

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 cups flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar



For rolling

• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Here is whatcha need to do:

 

In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugars with an electric mixer on high speed. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until smooth. In another bowl, combine the flour, salt, baking soda, and cream of tartar. Pour the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients and mix well. Preheat oven to 350 degrees while you let the dough rest for 30 to 60 minutes in the refrigerator.In a small bowl, combine the sugar with the cinnamon for the topping.Take about 2 1/2 tablespoons of the dough and roll it into a ball. Roll this dough in the cinnamon/sugar mixture and place on a ungreased cookie sheet (I use parchment paper on my cookie sheets). Repeat for the remaining cookies. Bake the cookies for 12 to 14 minutes and no more. The cookies may seem undercooked, but will continue to develop after they are removed from the oven. When the cookies have cooled they should be soft and chewy in the middle.

 

 

I have a secret weapon that I use on this cookies....Trader Joe's Grinder with sugar and cinnamon. When the cookies have baked for about 6 minutes I grind some more sugar and cinnamon on them and the let the bake another 6 minutes.

 

Once they are done. I let them cool on  paper towels...no fancy cooling racks here :)....and once they are cooled...YUMMY!!!

 

 

 

Next up....Chocolate chip....I found this one on Pintrest (www.bakerbettie.com ) as well and was a little unsure of this recipe  because there wasn't a lot of ingredients. But have to say these are the best chocolate chip cookies...just trust me on this one!!!

 

Here is what you will need....

 



1 stick softened butter salted or unsalted, at room temperature

3/4 cup light or dark brown sugar

1 large egg, at room temperature

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp salt, or large pinch

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 cup plus ¼ cup flour being careful not to pack down when measuring

1 cup chocolate chips

 

 

 

Here is what you gotta do...

Preheat oven to 350. In a large bowl cream the butter and brown sugar together. Add egg and vanilla to the butter and brown sugar mix and mix together. Then add flour baking soda baking powder and salt. Once everything is mixed together add chocolate chips. The place a scoop of the dough onto a cookie sheet and bake for 8-12 minutes. Remove for cookie sheet to cool.

 

 

That's it...two super easy cookie recipes....Enjoy!!! 





 



Wanted...in search of a good man

So I have been thinking lately…..I need to date or something of the sort (think more of getting out of my bubble).

 I know I have been saying that for years and I have tried the on line thing but that was a crappy experience.

 I have been hoping for one of those chance meetings you see on TV. You know the ones….some handsome man happens to sit next to you at Starbucks or asks you what you think of a particular product at the grocery story…you know what I am talking about.

Then I hope that friend fixes me up with someone she knows or my kids meet a great guy and thinks he would be perfect for me.

Well none of those things have happened for me….and that is ok, I am good with it. Like I say…yea for me if it happens and yea for me if it doesn’t.  But I have not given up on the idea of one great man coming into my life.

I didn’t date that much in high school, really didn’t get asked out much or asked to dances, met my prom date on a street corner in Westwood, been cheated on so many times that I have stopped counting, had my heart broken, stomped on and even laughed at. I have had my soul dumped on. My self worth kicked to the curb. My dignity shredded to pieces. But I still hold onto hope that one good man will come.

I look at some of my friends that have divorced since mine and they are either remarried or in a committed relationship and the jealousy flairs up. But then I have to talk myself off of the ledge and remind myself that everyone has their own path in life and this is my path at the moment. And I go back to hope of one good man.

And my thoughts turn to….Maybe he is thinking right now….I just want one good women….one that likes the outdoors, one that does not mind watching sports with me, one that has a middle school boy sense of humor. And maybe just maybe she is looking for me.

 

A letter to my ex husband

Dear Ex Husband....

Not sure if you realize it but ten years ago our marriage ended. My hopes and dreams for a whole and perfect family died that day.

A lot has happened between us during those ten years, some of which I would like to apologize for.

Let me say this first, I can forgive you of the hurt you caused me but I am not sure I can forgive you of the pain (seen and unseen) you caused the boys. You have said many times they are ok but deep down they are not.

There is a saying, "hurt people hurt other people" and that is what I set out to do. I wanted you to hurt they way I did. I wanted you to know how it felt to have your hopes, dreams and love destroyed. I wanted you to pay the ultimate price on leaving me and our boys.

I am sorry for saying that I got to keep the family in our divorce, they are your family and if they welcome you back then I will step away gracefully. I love them more then you will ever understand, they played a huge role in keeping me together and loving on the boys when you were not able.

Your dad took me in and made sure the boys and I were always ok. He always wanted what was best for them. And I fight everyday to keep his spirit alive in them and I try to keep my promise I made to them that they would be men just like him.

When I met you at 19 years old, you were so driven. You knew what you wanted and when you wanted it. I think in some ways I killed some of your dreams. And for that I am sorry.

I regret pushing you into getting married. But we had been together so long that it was time to either get married or go our separate ways. Also know I am sorry for pushing you. But our marriage did give me/us two wonderful gifts from heaven.

We did have some great years, lots of laughs, adventures and there was some love.

Please know I want nothing but happiness for you.


Your ex wife

543

I was out of work for 543 days, that is a long time not being able to provide for my children the way they expect, not being able to provide for myself the things I am use to having. 543 days of not feeling good about myself. 543 days of trying to make the best of the situation.

So I decided, that I am going to list 543 lessons I learned, new discoveries, rediscoveries and blessings received during my time of unemployment. (this is going to stretch me and take awhile!!) And sorry if I repeat a few things....this is a long list :)

1. During this time I have learned that I need to value myself enough to take care of my body
2. I have learned who my real friends are and those who just wanted to be "friends" to get information to further their career.
3. I have learned the difference between wants and needs
4. Been blessed with people who have come along side of me to give me encouragement
5. I have come to understand that God does things in His time not mine.
6. Both of my boys are pretty much self reliant now and only need me in a pinch.
7. Rediscovered my love of the beach.
8. My church family stood in the gap with me during this time and prayed hard for me.
9. Discovered my love of reading is still there
10. Learned that I don't always have to say yes to everyone
11. That I can say no and not feel bad
12. Was able to be in places that I wanted to be with those I wanted to be with at anytime, any day of the week.
13. Reconnected with my adoptive family when my Fay Mom passed away. Was blessed by their love and acceptance of me as their sister and auntie
14. My brother is my best friend, it took us a few years to get back to that and I love every minute on the phone with him, every text and every visit with him. He raised me and loves me  and my faults!
15. Learned how much stress I was carrying around with me while in my last job. I was making myself sick with stress.
16. Rediscovered my love of naps!
17. I have been blessed with an amazing Mother in Law, she supported me, propped me up, told me I would get through this and loved me when she didn't have to.
18. My faith has grown stronger during this.
19. Having the ability to be there more for my youngest, spending more time with him has been great.
20. Learned that when backed into a corner, I find resources to get out of it.
21. I have learned to stop thinking that I am better than others.
22. Learned that breaking bad habit is freeing
23. Learned that building better habits will keep me healthy
24. Discovered what coffee shops have free Wi-Fi and who has good coffee.
25. Learned that being lazy is ok sometimes
26. Been blessed by strangers who have seen me cry ask if they could pray for me
27. Blessed by a couple that I sit by in church, their love and prayers kept me going.
28. Learned that I can send a child a state away to college and not cry.
29. Blessed when I see two birds or two butterflies to remind me of my moms and their love for me.
30. I have learned to stand up for myself and not back down.
31. Learned how generous my friends are.
32. I have figured out who I want as part of my life and those who I don't.
33. I have learned that I will not chase people to be part of my life.
34. Come to the conclusion that I don't need a man in my life to make me complete or happy. I am responsible for all of that.
35. That taking the time to read the bible is actually good for me (when I remember to)
36. Was blessed by a man named Tony that on some Sundays at church slip a $20 bill into my purse because he wanted me to do something special for me.
37. Learned to deal with the Medi-cal and EBT system to get the help I needed.
38. Learned that I had to reach out and ask for help and not to be ashamed for it.
39. Discovered the library is a great place to use the internet and get books when you don't have money to sit in a coffee shop to use their internet when you didn't have the money to pay for the internet at home. And books and DVDs are free to rent.
40. Learned the concept of delayed gratification. Learning to wait.
41. Patience....hard thing to learn but learned a little and still working on it.
42. When I put my mind to something I can do it, just takes me more time then most but it gets done.
43. I became pretty versed in the way the Federal Government works when they failed to pass unemployment extension for millions of Americans. I wrote Senator, Representatives and the President. I was quoted in an article for the Wall Street Journal and in a letter from the Ways and Means Committee to the Speaker of the House.
44. That it is ok to cry when you are sad and to let the tears just flow.
45. Being home so much made me realize I am a slob....have I taken care of that? not yet but it is good to recognize your faults.
46. Learned that I much rather spend time in the gym then in bed all day. Not to say that I don't have stay in bed all day days....
47. Blessed that is was God that keep my feet planted everyday and keeping me from going crazy.
48. Blessed that my Dad lives with us, financially I don't know how I would have been able to keep my house, put gas in the car some weeks or pay the bills.
49. Coupons are my friend! We have been able to have some meals with coupons (much to the embarrassment of the boys, who know love those coupons). When shopping at the grocery store whatever I saved in coupons I treated myself to something with the money saved.
50. Learned how to stretch a meal into a lunch or another dinner
51. Freezer bags have been my friend in assisting in #50.
52. Learning that making this list is harder than I thought....but goes back pushing myself
53. My friend AC gives me the greatest advice, she feels more like a little sister at times then a friend.
54. Another friend RC gave me the gift of taking care of me, she saw my weight going up and the depression sinking in.
55. I took some time to do a few on line bible studies, this helped me a lot!!
56. Realized that I did a pretty good job raising my boys.
57. Blessed by the pastor at my church, he does not know me or my story but weekly he says something that I swear is meant for me.
58. My computer, it helped me look for jobs, research and kept me entertained when I was not happy or when I was lonely.
59. I have finally come to the conclusion that I am ok being alone. I don't need a mate to make me happy...I have to make me happy first.
60. Learned to be content with what I have
61. Learned how to find the blessing in anything that comes my way the good and the bad.
62. The word hope....I love the word....hope for more of Christ in my life, hope for the best for my boys, hope for my circumstances to change, hope, hope....love it sounds much better than a wish!!

Ok for those who are actually reading all of this, I really thought I could write 543 things that I learned while out of work. The biggest things I have learned is that I am no ones door mat, that my boys are great, I have so many things to be grateful for and I learned that hope is not a wish, hope is something that will come true if I take it to God.

Thanks for reading this......

I do......I don't

I do want a job.....I don't want to be on unemployment and food stamps.
I do want to be remembered....I don't like being ignored or forgotten.
I do want my children to love me.....I don't want to be like my dad where a child does not love me.
I do want the love of God in my life.....I don't want to feel like He has forgotten my prayers.
I do want to lose this weight I carry around.....I don't want to feel unhealthy anymore.
I do want to be in mission with God....I don't know where I fit into that.
I do want a partner to walk through life with....I don't want a partner that lies and cheats.
I do want to be told that I have done a good job raising my boys alone....I don't like to be blamed when they do not doing life the way you expect.
I do want to be content with life.....I don't like the negative thoughts that run through my head.

OK...that is off my chest....now to make this list a reality!!!

Did I do this?

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was not too excited about it. I had just had my first and was learning to be a mom, a wife and trying to balance work.

I was sick for three months straight before I found out, I mean super sick. Inner ear infection, major case of strep throat and a viral infection. I was on so much medication, it is a miracle he did make it.

Once I found out I was pregnant and was no longer sick, I wished I would miscarry. I couldn't handle the idea of another baby. My marriage was starting to shake a little and I worried what it would do to us.

As my pregnancy progressed, they couldn't find the base of his spinal cord during an ultrasound visit. Part of me was ok...well you didn't want to be pregnant and the another part of me was...please God let them find it next time we go in. The did find it and that is when I wanted him more than anything.

He was an easy pregnancy and an easy delivery. At birth he slept through  the night at birth. Once he started walking and talking then things changed! He was always on the go, into things he should have been, making messes and just keeping us on our toes.

He was a handful at preschool, and the teachers were always complaining about him not taking naps. I being the protective one and one in the child development field had to put them in their place. And ever since then I have always stood up for him, making excuses for him not following directions, not doing his homework, not going to school, etc....

Now at 17 he wants to be on his own, take the GED and be done with school. He is nasty to me, he is spoiled and does not lift a finger to help anyone especially me.

Since the divorce he has been angry at me. Talking down to me, telling me I am ugly and stupid.

Did do this to him? I raised him the best I could alone...did I not punish him enough? Did I give into his whims to much?

He is so smart and talented. I see that in him, he can do whatever he puts his mind to. At 17 he sees no future for himself, he just sees what is wrong with the world. At 17 he is not concerned with making a difference in the world or helping others he only sees away to make as much money as he can.

Did I do this to him? Losing my job and being out of work for over a year has shown him that a college degree isn't worth anything.

Why do I feel like I have let him down? Does he know that I didn't want him in the beginning and that is why he is mad at me all the time?

I want the best for my sons, I promised their Grandfather that I would do everything in my power to raise them to be good men.

Where did I go wrong? Did I do this?

so little change

I have been out of work now for 13 months...and there is no change in my life. Still searching for that next chapter in my life, my next job, my next love, my next something!!!

We go and go searching for the perfect in everything, but can't we just be happy with what we have? I have heard several sermons at church about us wanting to go back to the garden, the Garden of Eden where things were simpler and easy until we started to want more.

I need to learn to be content with what I have, and be content with who I am and stop searching for the next. I have to learn to let God direct me to that next, I have to learn to trust that He has not forgotten me and that He loves me and wants me to be happy.

I also have to accept that change does not happen over night.....just like the caterpillar becoming a butterfly....it takes time to change.