Christmas....blahs

So today is Christmas....why do I dislike it so much this year? I didn't want to decorate, didn't want a tree and the thought of spending so much money for one day made me stress out.

I have been slowly disliking Christmas actually for sometime now. Maybe it's a bit of greed, I don't get gifts from the boy, my dad get me strange things I really don't need (last year it was a broach and this year I pen)(I like the gesture though).

I do everything in this house, clean, cook, the laundry, drive people from place to place. I decorate at the holidays and I undecorate when its over. I am tired of doing everything, tired of people expecting so much from me.

I also think I dislike it so much because it reminds me that I no longer have a complete family. I am divorced, my brother and I don't speak and my mom has been gone since I was 7. I get to enjoy the boys family and I love them so much but I am just a bystander there.

I want so much for someone to come and sweep my off of my feet and take care of me!!! I am over taking care of everyone!!

I just want Christmas to be magical again!