Adventures in On Line Dating Part 2

So continues my On Line Dating experience, so let's see where am I in this little adventure?? Well...in the same place I was last week. This week did bring the promise of someone, but as the week went on that fizzled out.

I have emailed, winked at men that I don't necessarily find physically attractive but we have somethings in common and I have not heard back from any of them.

Then there is Zoosk (an app on Facebook), so I joined that and the first guy out the gate asked if I was only interested in a physical relationship. Told him that is a key to component to a relationship and he agreed then the next message was asking when we were going to meet up to have sex. Is this the kind of men that is out there? If so, I am staying home where it is safe.

I hope and pray for the next man to come into my life, if it is God's will then he will come if not it's ok. I am happy being alone. I truly am....yes it would be nice to share life's ups and downs with. But I don't like the rejection part of all of this.

It is safer at home.

Adventures in On Line Dating

Well, I have dipped my toe into the world of on line dating. Let me say this...on line dating sucks!!

I joined a free dating web site, didn't meet anyone. Those that were interested in me were not men I would date. I have standards, I have heard that you have to play the odds and say yes to men that you might not be physically attracted to but you might be attracted to on a different level. There was only one guy that I would have considered going on a date with and he seemed ok with just emailing back and forth but nothing more.

Now I am on a paying site, this one is just as bad. I have been emailing someone and he seemed interested then he asked to go to coffee and then backed out. Then I was IM'ing someone then he ended up being a fraud (he said he lived locally but really he was in another country). There are men that I find attractive and then I read more of their profile and they want a 30 something. I am coming to the conclusion most men my age want younger women.

Ugh....rejection on line hurts just as much as if it was in person.

feeling

I hate carrying around this feeling like no one likes me....my dog hates me, my youngest son hates me...just feel like everyone out there hates me and they don't want to be around me.

I feel like all of my friends/family get together but they tell each other don't invite Kristen.

Been crying over this for days....like everyone else...I just want to be loved and accepted...

It's Mother's Day....so what!

Each Mother's Day I hope that my boys somehow plan something for me, or that their dad gives them money to get me something. Mother's Day comes, and.....nothing! No card, no breakfast in bed, no flowers or just a simple Happy Mother's Day.

Wait....I did get one gift my oldest came to Church with me. He knows that it is important to me.

It kills me that the can't do anything for me. What I have I done wrong with them? 

Hmmm...let me rethink this blog....everyday is Mother's Day...ugh that doesn't work either.

I am jealous of my friends that have a wonderful Mother's Day, with flowers, gifts, breakfast in bed, a nice meal out.

I just want my boys to appreciated me and everything that I do for them.

ugh...can we just skip this day all together....and Valentines Day too!!

Promises

When the boys grandfather was in the hospital and near death, I went into his room before they removed his breathing tube to say my good byes.

I grabbed a stool so I could get closer to him, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for allowing me to be part of his amazing family. Then I made a few promises.

With tears in my eyes, I promised him that I would do everything in my power to raise the boys to be just like him. I promised that I would make sure that they are caring adults, hardworking man, that they would take responsibility for their actions, that they would love their families and that everything they do would be in his honor.

I struggle with the promise at times. And I can't go back on my word.

Raising the boys is hard work. I might not have the ability to teach them 'manly' things but I can teach them how to be a dad, how to be a good husband and how to care for others.

Well, Tony......how am I doing? I am trying, working hard at it...all for your honor! I love you and still miss you daily!

Now boys....like I always say...what would Papa Tony say? Please think about that when going through life!

ponders

I have been pondering the thought of what happens when you are such good friends with someone and then one day it's like you are strangers? Or more like acquaintance's? I HATE this feeling. I consider my friends as my family, ones I can turn to, ones that will never let me down. I know that people drift apart, I know people go their own ways but I was always thinking that ones that are family will never go away.

I miss seeing my 'family', I miss laughing with them but I know things change or all good things come to an end.

Christmas....blahs

So today is Christmas....why do I dislike it so much this year? I didn't want to decorate, didn't want a tree and the thought of spending so much money for one day made me stress out.

I have been slowly disliking Christmas actually for sometime now. Maybe it's a bit of greed, I don't get gifts from the boy, my dad get me strange things I really don't need (last year it was a broach and this year I pen)(I like the gesture though).

I do everything in this house, clean, cook, the laundry, drive people from place to place. I decorate at the holidays and I undecorate when its over. I am tired of doing everything, tired of people expecting so much from me.

I also think I dislike it so much because it reminds me that I no longer have a complete family. I am divorced, my brother and I don't speak and my mom has been gone since I was 7. I get to enjoy the boys family and I love them so much but I am just a bystander there.

I want so much for someone to come and sweep my off of my feet and take care of me!!! I am over taking care of everyone!!

I just want Christmas to be magical again!