Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cute Outfit

I can say, I don't dress that bad. I can make the best of out what is in my closets transforming each piece into a different look. My ex. mother in law always said to me "you have a way with separates". I love clothes....and shoes and everything else that goes into an outfit.

I have people come up to me and say 'cute outfit', gesh...I am so much more then a cute outfit.

How do I get people to look beyond the outfit, beyond the outside of me? I have so much more to offer once you can get past the outside.

A very very dear friend and I have this discussion the other night during 'wine therapy'. She said I have a shield up that prevents people from getting closer, that I don't smile enough (I don't smile because I hate my smile and my teeth) and I always look pissed off (thank you dad for passing that look down). I don't think I have a shield up, if I do it's because I don't want to get hurt again, tired of fixing the broken heart. And the broken heart is not from men hurting it but it's from women as well (friends that decide that other friendships are better or just disappearing).

Back to the outfits, I have this tendency to make sure everything is perfect before I head out the door. Maybe that is part of my problem is that I want everything to be perfect like my outfits. I want things to go together like shoes and a purse, want them to be comfortable like my running shoes and want them to match me. But on the other hand I almost described what I would like to have in a mate....comfortable...matching....go together (meaning..we looking like we belong together).

I feel like a book that has a great cover but the story is boring..woo...that would be a great topic for another blog...

My outfits are me...classic...put together (that I am not sometimes)...cute....hey I can think that I am...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I felt in the mood to write a blog tonight but nothing is coming to me, no topic, nothing happened exciting today...hmmm just feeling the need for my fingers to type.

How does this happen? The need to do something or be somewhere? It's Gods hand pushing is along. I always hear people say that God spoke to them, I wait to hear him but I never do. Instead it's his gentle push I feel every once in while. A push to take a turn down a different street, a push to say something, a push to call someone. I have had the push to call my brother but scared to call him....fear of his rejection.

Think God's hand is pushing me...pushing me where? for who? when? Only He knows

Monday, September 14, 2009

Black Notebook

I bought a little black notebook to journal during my trip, while I did journal the notebook now has turned into my idea place. Ideas I have for a book. I am not a writer, if you are reading my blog you would know I am far from a writer. But I have been thinking for sometime that I need to write a book about what has happened in my life and how I got through the mental abuse. Or how to laugh your way through affairs, separation, divorce and still be a women of grace.

I have been told it would be good therapy to write...but where to start...once upon a time there was a curly haired girl whose Mom passed away when she was young and that life event affected the rest of her life...where of where to start....there has to be a start in the black notebook

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San Diego, CA, United States