Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving blahs or Food Coma has taken over my brain

Thanksgiving is time with family and friends and giving thanks for all of the blessing in your life. I spent Thanksgiving painting my hallway and a quick dinner down by the water. I have so many things to be thankful for but this Thanksgiving I am feeling a little less blessed and a tad bit sad.

This was the first Thanksgiving that my oldest is away at college, was sadden there was no call saying "Happy Thanksgiving Mom, I hope you have a good day and I miss you". There was no "Hey Mom I am so grateful for you and what you do for me" from my youngest.

I am thinking my boys do not like me, my oldest was happy to get away from me and my youngest is counting the days down until he can get away from me.

I have raised the two of them basically on my own for eight years, their dad has been around but I have taken care of their day to day needs and have given so much to them that I have neglected me.

Maybe that is where I went wrong, I gave too much.

I have so many single mom friends and I am so envious of their relationships with their children. Their children make them breakfast in bed on their birthday. They get their Mom flowers and a card on Mother's Day. They get phone calls from their children on holidays. They like to take pictures with their Moms. They say Thank You to their Mom for all that she is done for them.

Where did I go wrong?  I did what I thought was best for them, I made decisions for them that I thought would be good for them. I thought I taught them to be kind to others, to be respectful for those who care for them.

Think the food has gone to my brain and filled my head with lies....but why am I so sad?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 7 I am again..I gained one pound this week! What is my problem? Why do I continue to do this to myself? Is there a reason why I insist on eating poorly? This is something that I cannot figure out! I will have a great day of watching what I am eating, walking or going to the gym, and giving myself a small treat for doing well...then the next day I am eating whatever I want, not going to the gym and giving my self a large treat for being a fatty!

At today's meeting we talked about making a why list instead of a to do list....why do I want to lose weight? 
              -To feel better
              -To have clothes that fit well
              -To feel attractive, to be desired
              -Not to feel like a blob
              -To reverse the damage I have done to the body God has given me

I journal during meetings and I wrote this down "you have to want I really want it?" Of course I want to feel attractive and desired, of course I want to feel better and have better health. But what in the hell is stopping me? I am stopping me!! I am stopping me because its comfortable to eat what I want. It is safe not to feel attractive and desired...that way I can't get hurt by another man again.

There is only a few things in life we can control....and one of them is what we put into our mouths and the other is bodily functions. I know God is in control of everything else but I control what I decide to put into my mouth. I have to gain control of this food addiction I have.

Tomorrow is a new day...a new day to try again...a new day to start over....

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What we leave behind

I have been thinking today of what we leave behind when we are called away from this world. We are more than likely to leave someone else with our debt (sorry boys), our most prized possessions, a house or apartment full of stuff, money in the bank (sorry boys there is none), our cars...those are just things, things that some of us can do without. What we really leave behind is our family, friends and those who loved us.

I was at a memorial service yesterday for a family friend, he had 6 children, 14 grandchildren and 24 great grandchildren (and counting)! He left them with his love, his wisdom, his presences, and his faith in God. I am sure his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will not remember the things he bought them or gave them..they will remember the love he gave, the time he gave and his just being there for them.

Today, I am sadden that 5 years ago my father is law took his last breath on this earth and went home to be with his family and God. He left 4 children, 10 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren behind and left us with his love, his wisdom, his presences, and his love of his family. I can say life has not been the same since he left. But I am comforted by knowing he is still with us, though we might not see him we feel his presence.

I hope to leave all of those things behind with my children, family and friends. I hope they knew I loved them all, that I only wanted the best for them, that I would have done just about anything for them. I don't want my life to have been a waste, I want my life to have made some kind of difference in someone..

So....what will you leave behind?  

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 6

Phew....a better week in the weight loss arena in my life. This week I dropped 1.2 which I was a little worried about. I think I am going to worry each week not matter what.

I also started a Weight Loss Challenge at church last week and I learned somethings about my body I am not happy about. I am living in the body of a 65 year old women, that is 20 years older then I am!!!! That is what I have done to my body, I have aged it, I have been slowly sending myself to an early grave, I have been destroying what God has given me.

So with that, I am trying to reverse what I have done. It will not be easy but with each pound I am reversing the damage I have done to myself.

This week need to get more water into my system, add more veggies and fruit....My weigh in next week is going to be great and I am going to crush the Weight Loss Challenge at church!!!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 5

Not a good week, I have gained back what I lost. :(  I was shocked that I gained it back, things seemed to be going well. My clothes are fitting better, I was watching what I was what happened?? Soda is what happened! Not saying it was the complete reason why I gained weight back but I have been drinking more soda and less water.

So easy to slide back into bad habits, so easy to go back to what seems easy and comfortable.

I am reading a book called "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope which is about how to stop doubting yourself and to live in the promises God has given.

Something I read this week really stuck me and goes with the bad habits I feel back into. "The enemy will whisper to us that "we deserve" the chocolate cake. He'll remind us we had a stressful week and made so many sacrifices. He'll then convince us that "surely one piece won't hurt". We'll eat one, and then another. The next day we regret it, but then we're feeling down and start craving more, so we go back and eat cake until the whole thing is gone. Then we get on the scale and feel completely defeated because we gained back the five pounds we worked so hard to lose. Immediately the accuser's voice of condemnation beast us up, telling us we are a failure because we have no control or self control."

Wow, now I am not saying the evil one made me eat poorly or made me drink the sodas. But I did feel defeated this morning and the voice of condemnation came over me telling me I was just a fatty and I can't do this. Telling me to accept that I will always be over weight.

I have to fight this all day long, every is the one thing right now in my life I can control. I decide what to put in my mouth, I decide should I walk or just stay in bed and watch TV all day. Not working right now can either put my into a deep depression or I can fight it and reclaim my body.

This week I need to limit the amount of soda I drink...move more fruit and veggies...and fight the accuser telling me I can't do it!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Confessions of a Fat Lady....part 4

Was a busy week, traveled to Oregon for Dad's Weekend at OSU. My gosh Oregon is beautiful in the fall. The leafs are beautiful and the colors and just as amazing.

Didn't eat well during our travels, I was aware of what I was putting in my mouth and I can't justify my bad food choices while gone. But come on....Voodoo doughnuts?? Can't go to Portland with one or two.

I did manage to lose this week, lost .2 not what I had expected thought I was going to gain this week. So with three weigh ins done I have lost 1.6 pounds.

This week I need to focus on workouts or just plain old fashion walks. Also need to slow down while I eat, put the fork down and take a sip of water before taking another bite.

With only 1.6 down I can feel the difference in some of my clothes which is good. I was feeling very uncomfortable in some of them.

So here is to week four....goal for weight loss....wanna be down 2 pounds...gotta get it done. Taking care of the body God has given me.

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San Diego, CA, United States