Monday, June 10, 2013

To my oldest

Dear Jonathan:

Here we are the day before your High School graduation. I am so proud of you, not only for graduating with over a 3.0 but of the man you are becoming.

When you were born, I would sit and watch you sleep and wonder what you would be when you grew up.

As you grew up, I would watch you win games, lose games and I cheered you on the whole way. I thought you were the greatest player out there. I was amazed when you would come out of nowhere and steal the ball away during soccer and take it up field and cross it over to your teammate. I thought for sure you were going to play all the way through college. Then something happened, you wanted to run cross country to stay in shape for soccer and you were amazing at it. Yep you broke my heart when you didn't want to play soccer anymore but watching you improve with each race made it all worth it. Each race you left all of it out on the track or course. Hope you continue to run.

During all of your soccer and running you kept getting hurt and this is when you discovered what you wanted to study in college. I thought for sure you were going to be an engineer, you loved building things and figuring out how things work. But you sure have a knack for helping others heal themselves. When I broke my ankle, it was you who helped me in rehab (and laughing at me the whole time). I guess in some ways you are still trying to figure out how things work, but its with the human body.

I am worried about you leaving for college in September, worried that you won't know how to navigate the world with all of its uncertainties. But I am always reminded that you are a smart kid and you will be just fine. I am going to miss seeing you everyday, laughing with you and making sure you are ok. I hope I taught you enough that the world will be gentle to you. I hope the foundation that I have laid will be enough for you, I hope all of the mistakes I made the last 18 years have not scared you forever, I hope that you know that I might not have been the perfect mom, that I tried to be the best I could.

My other hope is that every time you have to make a decision, that you think of Papa Tony. Think about what he would tell you to do, think about what decision he would have made. I am sure it will be easy once you think of him. He would have been so proud of you. Please think of him tomorrow during graduation, you and Tyler meant the world to him.

I have said to you before, this next chapter of your life is to be written by you! I have started the book for is up to you to continue the story...YOUR STORY!!

I love you to the moon and back. My God bless you always and may you always walk in faith that He will be with you every step of the way.


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San Diego, CA, United States