I am coming to more of a place of honesty lately, I have been a pretty open person about my feelings, my fears, my beliefs and my longings...but the one thing I will always hide is my financial mess.
Deep breath.....let it out...and here I go....
Currently, my bank account is negative $196. I have a garnishment for back state taxes of $170 every two weeks. I have student loans that I can't pay on. I have no credit. I have federal taxes that I can't pay and my car registration is past due. I can't keep money in the bank to save my life, I keep on this horrible cycle of having a negative bank account.
I have not lived a lavish lifestyle in many years, and especially in the past two years. I don't go out with friends, I stay home. I haven't had a pedicure in 6 months. I rarely buy myself something new because I can't afford it but I give my boys as much money as I can part with.
No one knows this secret that I have carried around for so long. I have never been good with money, in fact I am down right horrible with it.
I try and try to stay on a budget, but I end up over indulging the boys or myself at the expense of my bank account.
I am 47 years old...I should have my shit together but instead I am messing up over and over again.
I have had people suggest to go to Financial Peace class at church to help me figure all of this out, but the class is $50...$50 would mean less food, less gas....but then again I never seem to have the extra.
I would love to tithe to church, but then when it is time to I can't because the money isn't there.
Dear God...please please help me get out of this horrible cycle I am on....please bring me peace. Amen!!