Monday, December 20, 2010

Am I becoming my Father?

When I was seven years old, my Mother passed away. We were not expecting it and it came as a shock. My Mom was pretty amazing, she made dresses for me from a pattern she would make, she cooked amazing and baked pies. She made life fun, she loved my brother and I endless. My Father was not prepared for this, he never cooked or did anything around the house. Truthfully, he was cranky all the time! 

He tried and there was times he was a great Father, but what bothers me most about my Father is two things: he lives in a could of should of world where he blames others for his life circumstances and that he has no friends.

I don't think I live in a could have should have world, but I do blame others for my life. And I am really starting to wonder about the friends thing. 

I don't want to be a cranky old lady, I want to live in the moment and celebrate all that God has given me. I want to celebrate life's ups and downs with my friends and family. 

I am worried though about becoming him, I don't want my children to be distant, I want tons of friends that I support and they support me. 

God....please allow me to continue to fill my life with joy, allow me to feel the graces you have given me. Let me life in the moment and not in the past. Amen

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San Diego, CA, United States