Sunday, September 25, 2011

Feeling like a Fraud and other thoughts

Lately I have been feeling like a fraud when it comes to my faith walk. I know there is a higher power, I believe Jesus walked on this earth and I hope that when my time on this earth comes to an end that I will see God and he will that I have done a good job on earth.

I have been sitting in church lately a little preoccupied, not really listening to the message...I am just taking up space.

In my small group, I listen to the people in my group and they get the bible, they get this relationship thing with God. I just sit there and listen. I don't feel like I have anything to offer to the conversation. Don't feel like I fit in....just taking up space.

When it is time to pray, I start out praying and then my mind goes else where.

I feel like I am a fraud within my small group and as a member of a church community. Just taking up space,  and taking prayers from others that get it.

My other thought I have been having lately....why do I not have any friends? I mean I have people in my life that I consider a friends but I feel like people don't like me. They don't talk to me. I can be in a room full of people I know and people ignore me. I call people, email people, text people but I am never invited places, not included.

Could it be that I am just making this stuff up in my head? Or am I just having one of those moments?

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San Diego, CA, United States