When my marriage started to fall apart, I started to see a therapist. She save my life! I was ready to walk into the ocean and not come out. I wanted all of the pain I was going through to stop. The therapist help me in so many ways. The one thing she helped me work through was the mental abuse I had gone through. I was always made to feel less then I was, told I was not good enough, that no one wanted me. I never learned to stand up for myself.
My father started the cycle, my brother added to it and the ex. added to it as well. My father was very controlling, he made me afraid of everything. My brother made me fearful of not being good enough. The ex. made me feel unworthy of his love and the love of others. No matter how much I tried to make the men in my life happy it was never good enough.
My therapist helped me see that all of that was bull shit. I am worthy.
So now the men in my life hate when I stand up for myself, they hate that I have a voice and I am not scared to use it.
I have to be aware of when I break myself down, aware of when I am concerned that people are not approving of me and my actions.
I have learned that my opion is the only one that matters to me, if you don't like/love me for who I am then get out of my life.
I am getting stronger, I am undoing the years of feeling unworthly of love and I will not seek the approval of anyone.