Confessions of a Fat Lady...part 2

Week 2 of Weight Watchers, lost one pound and I thought that I wouldn't lose anything. I over ate my points each day, I have added walking back into my daily routine. Klondike is a great reminder to get up and walk, every night from 8:00pm - 9:00pm he comes into my room and whines and will keep whining until I take him for a walk.

I need to break the bad habits I have developed over the years when it comes to food. I still see myself as weighing 100 pounds like I did in high school. I was able to eat whatever I wanted and didn't gain a ounce. I know that is not true...but sometimes a donut just is so good. I have to look at doing that as a reward /treat instead of a normal routine. I need to develop habits that are around good food not sugary junk or high in fat.

Last weekend I went to a farmers market and enjoyed looking and tasting fresh/healthy foods. I tried fresh cheeses, oranges, grapes and fresh flavored butters. Bought some great items that we have started using in the house. I made an amazing mac and cheese with fresh items that we bought. I think the Europeans have the right idea, they have smaller refrigerators which means they have to buy fresh items and use them right away. This means there is hardly any additives that can change the taste and health values.

So off to rework my menus for the next week and off to find some more farmers markets.

Confessions of a fat lady

I have been putting off starting Weight Watchers again, this morning I went and glad (love that the meeting I attended was in a Jewish Synagogue ) I did. I took a journal with me to write down ideas and things that are said during the meeting. Today I wrote this 'take control of me, my life and my health'. I need change, change from the routine that has not been working for me, change to be more healthy, and change to look better.

What I like about Weight Watchers is that I don't have to cut out the foods I love. I have to learn portions and when to say no. I need to learn what triggers my poor eating habits and what triggers my laziness.

I love food.....I love being lazy....I love a glass of wine or mimosa....I love sleeping....but I LOVE ME MORE!!! To become the women I am meant to be, I need to trust God and His wisdom and I need to trust that I can lose this weight.

Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengths me" and with Him by my side I can do it.

Apron strings have been cut....ouch!

One week ago, I left my first born a state away in a dorm room. I surprised myself and I didn't cry when we left. I felt at peace, my job was done.

I have been doing very well with not calling him, or texting him. I have left that all up to him. That has been hard, strange not knowing what he is doing or who he is with.

The apron strings have been cut, we have been slowly cutting them since his freshman year of high school and I have been resisting the final cut but I didn't have a choice when he decided on a college a 3 hour plan ride and then a 90 minute drive away.

The good thing is I have another one that I still have attached to my apron :)

Here I go....

So here I am....the heaviest I have been in years



Tomorrow starts my newest and second journey on Weight Watchers. I cannot do this to my body anymore. I don't feel right, I am depressed about how I look.

I know I will never be a size 3 again but one can hope....

Hi my name is Kristen and I weigh....

Ok putting it out into the cyber universe.....I weigh a 180 pounds...at one time many years ago I weighed a 100 pounds. And I need to rid myself of some of this weight!

I did really well on Weight Watchers but I grew tired of always having to watch what I was putting in my mouth. I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat it.

I love food, I love chocolate, I love coffee, I love sweets and I love being lazy!

So now I have come to a point where I am not happy with my body, the way it feels, the way clothes fit.

1 Corinthians 6:19 says "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own"

How am I honoring God with abusing my body with over eating, eating the wrong things for me, for not helping my body to be strong? I am not, I am abusing this body God has given me.

So.....the school year is starting for my boys so I must start anew as well....here is to yet another journey of losing some of this weight and taking care of the body God has given me.

Say a prayer for me!!

Depression has set in

All I want to do is eat, sleep and be alone....depression of not having a job has set in. I am trying to fight it and it is consuming me. I just want to shut the world out and stew in my own loathing.

But because I trust in God, He will help me fight this. He is setting out a path for me to walk on. I am so scared to walk on the path. What happens if it takes me to places I don't want to go, what if it does not pull my out of this funk I am in.

God....I am putty in your hands, please pull me out of this. Help me to see I have worth, I am loved and people like/love me.

Hate this feeling God...pull me.....

58 and 45...... depression is mounting and is there hope?

58 is the number of days I have been unemployed and 45 is the number of positions I have applied for in these 58 days. I have been trying to keep a positive outlook that something is going to come my way, a position that is going to change me, a position that is going to make me happy.

58 days of trying to figure out the next stage of my life, 45 applications trying to get someone to hire me.

The depression is setting in, feeling hopeless, feeling lost, feeling unwanted, feeling left behind, feeling forgotten.

45 applications that I hope will impress someone, only 2 have contacted me, one interview and one phone interview and no offer of employment.

58 days of trying to put on the happy face on for the boys, trying to make them feel like we are going to be ok that things will work out.

58 days of wondering when I will feel some satisfaction of doing a good job, of helping people be the best they can be.

It's getting harder to get out of bed in the morning, getting harder to put on the happy face.

I know that God has a plan for me, a plan to bring me happiness.....but when? I am tired of watching other people be happy, tired of watching people get what they want (promotions, raises, the love of their life, new car, new house, etc...). I want it to be my time!

I have given all this to God, I have prayed about it, I have asked others to pray for me...nothing is happening....tired of being sad, tired of putting the happy face on.....

58 days and a piece of me died.....45 prayers unanswered.....how many more times do I have to count?