Monday, November 23, 2009

wow...a year ago

A year has past since my Father in Law (or ex. Father in Law) passed away. I remember every detail of that week, where I was when I found out he was going into the hospital for a procedure, the night I got the call that he had a stroke, the hours spent in the waiting room with the family, Jonathan's face when he saw his grandfather with tubes all over the place, when I promised to raise the boys to be like him, when Tyler saw his grandfather by accident and cried. We sat for hours as a family reading, playing games, watching tv but we were there as a family.

When the divorce was final, my role in my ex. husbands family changed. I was no longer the daughter in law I became the mother of the grandsons. Well that was in my mind, that family is still my family. When the doctor came to discuss my Father in Law is pushed my chair out of the circle because I was not part of the family and remember as I was pushing it away my Mother in Law grabbed it and pulled me back in and told me that I needed to be apart of the discussion and decisions that needed to me made for my Father in Law's care. We decided as a family when the breathing tube was to come out, and I remember how strong my Mother in Law was but she looked so little as she was being strong for all of us.

The five days my Father in Law was in ICU, I went every day except for one and that was the day he went home to God. I promised him I would be there and I broke one last promise to him and I regret not going, the boys didn't want to stop they were tired of the hospital.

I miss this man everyday, I pray that I am doing what I promised him. He loved his grandsons and he loved me as his own.

Tony....I love you and miss you! I hope you are smiling down on your grandsons and that you are proud of the men they are becoming. I miss you on the soccer fields, I miss you on the baseball fields, I miss you in your chair and I miss your presence in my life. I know you and my mom are great friends, hope you told her that I am a great mom! I will never stop missing you! And I know the family will never stop missing you!

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San Diego, CA, United States