I have been struggling with the idea of how my relationship
with God has been affected by my relationship with my earthly Father.
My earthly father is hard to live with, hard to love and
hard to be around. Please don’t get me wrong, I love my father and appreciate
what he has done for my brother and I and what he continues to do for me and my
boys.
I know in reading scripture that my Heavenly Father loves me
no matter what I do, I know that I can go to Him and ask for forgiveness when I
mess up and all will be forgiven. He does not hold my past mistakes over my head
and remind me over and over again about how much I have messed up.
My earthly father reminds me all the time how much I have
messed up; he holds it over my head and makes me feel ashamed about my mistakes.
He tells people about how much I have messed up and how he is constantly
helping me out of messes. I have yet to hear him tell me that I have done a
good job with the boys and that he is proud of me.
This is where my struggle starts, I know both provide, I
know that both love me…but are both of them disappointed in me? Why do I doubt
their love? Why do I not believe what they tell me?
I think the struggles I am having with God at the moment
come from how my relationship is with my earthly father…How do I fix this?
Build a better relationship with my earthly father? Lean more into my heavenly
father? I am stuck in this struggle……
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